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April 14, 2004

Invisible legislation #2

Yet another piece of shifty law making that you won't find discussed in Hansard but must have been sneaked through by some politician or other

The Compulsory Button-Down Collar on Gentleman's Shirts Act of 1995

In response to the great collar crisis of 1994 (when as I am sure you will recall, the collars of a great many badly-made shirts flipped up around the unsuspecting ears of men around the UK) the Major Government, then flip-flopping from disaster to crisis and back, took a typical knee-jerk response in search of public approval.

'This no inconsiderable problem, I might add,' began the then Prime Minister, standing on the steps of 10 Downing Street with two of the Met's* finest battling with the recalcitrant cotton around his neck. 'My colleagues will be taking quite certain action to ensure the population is dealt with in ways that leave their persons safe to enjoy the not insignificant pleasures of a light breeze upon the lower ear, oh yes.'

The CGDCGS Act mandated the following:

  • The compulsory fitting of buttons to shirts, regardless of whether they are properly manufactured not to need them

  • Permission for the publicly-minded general public to 'collar' non-compliers by grabbing the offending article and ripping it forcibly from the ne'er-do-well

  • Community punishments for those found guilty: lifetime supply of shirts from Burton's
  • Needless to say, there is an underground movement of brave fellows, fearlessly vending solid and dependable accoutrements to the discerning gentleman around the ghettos of St James' Park, London. Says one (who wishes to remain anonymous), 'This was an example of bad law-making at its worst. I've got a labrador and four privately educated children to maintain. Couldn't they see the consequences of their actions? It's utterly pointless.' He then had to turn away into an allyway to deal a craven banker a pair of blue twill cotton double-cuff shirts with 17'' cutaway collars.

    *London's Metropolitan Police force

    April 14, 2004 in Humour | Permalink


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